I LOVE Referrals

I love it when other families get their referrals. I am so excited for them and I don't even know them. I think it's because I know what they have gone through to get there.
Here are some links to recent referrals on blogs I read:
Bringing Home Baby Ian
Ethiopia Mama
Both of these families are working with our agency, The Gladney Center for Adoption. I had been checking and waiting for them to get the call. I am so happy for them and I can't wait to be where they're at.....I can't wait to see our daughter!!

Now you see him, Now you don’t

Friday we had a new arrival, a five year old boy. It was a crazy weekend with a very busy five year old. Saturday I started to panic and felt we had made a mistake by taking another child. C. and I keep saying no more and then we waver. We were thinking of a little one again and when they called for this little boy, I just said yes. Interestingly enough, we had gotten a call about a year ago for him when he went into foster care the first time. If you don’t answer or call back, they just call the next family in line until someone says yes. We had missed the call. Anyway, I feel like we should be spending quality time together rather than going through the ups and downs of foster care. We are getting ready for the baby and are trying to get her room ready. It is so hard to adjust and I was worried about bringing him to work with me. Our other foster son started going to school where I teach this year. It has been great but each child is different and I worry about it not working out. By Sunday, I had resigned myself to accepting the situation and enjoying the time with this unique little person. C. is very logical and never frets like I do. He was never concerned about the situation. Today, I brought him to school and enrolled him in a new class. By this afternoon, we had heard from the social worker that he was going to live with a relative. In the end, the social workers never really know what is going to happen. They thought he would be sticking around for awhile, but the judge decided otherwise. I think it was a good choice. He would have just gotten settled here and then they would have had to move him all over again. The quicker they can be placed permanently the better. Of course, now I feel his absence and it is a bit sad. Our son was pretty bummed out. He gets attached easily and I think it makes him think of his own situation. He wonders why he hasn’t gotten to go home yet. The end result of this whole thing is that we need to stop taking new children. I’m not sure if that means forever or until our daughter is older. We will just have to wait and see.

The Beginning of the End

The judge granted weekend visitation to Ricky’s dad. We knew this was coming…it is the next step in the process of him going home. It is sad for us; it is the beginning of him leaving our family. We have been prepared to say goodbye at least twice and both times things changed and he stayed. Of course, his dad was not out of the picture, so the thought of adoption was slim. We in no way want to pressure his father to give him up, especially if he wants and is prepared to be a parent. Now, for some reason, it feels like he really is going home. Ricky stayed Monday because we had no school and he is back with his dad today. When we picked him up last weekend he was sad to leave his dad, the excitement of the weekend coming to an end. It is so hard to imagine what he goes through. He is straddling two different worlds, with two sets of expectations. From our past experience, this is a troublesome time. Weekend visits did not equate to the happiest times for us. They came with a bad attitude and rocky behavior at home and at school. I hope he knows how much we love him. I hope we can make this time easier for him; I’m just not sure how to do this. His next court date, December 7th, is the one that should reunite him with his dad. I just hope I don’t break into a million pieces. I miss him already and he isn’t even gone yet.

Take backs

So I take this back from the last post:
Never knowing what happens to the children when they leave you.

We talked with Kai’s family!! I talked to her on the phone and she is such a big girl. Her parents have gotten a place and are waiting for her to come home. She is doing well with her cousin. She is so smart. She isn’t even three yet and she can say all the months of the year in this high pitched sweet little voice.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, last year we had a 2 year old little girl stay with us for about 6 months. We fell in love, but we found out she had lots of family including her mom’s cousin who wanted to take care of her. It was REALLY difficult to say goodbye and I still think about her often. We actually spent Christmas morning with her mom and dad at our house. They were very nice people. Here is a pic of her...I mean who wouldn't fall head over heals for a cutie like that!!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

C. and I spoke today about our experience with foster care for a group of foster parents in training. We were recommended, we were told, because our social worker thinks we’re pretty cool. The lady in charge said we could share every aspect of our experience including the good, the bad, and the ugly side of foster parenting. I feel like we missed sharing so much. We were rushing a bit because neither of us likes speaking in front of a group and there were a ton of people there. So I thought I’d post here our experience. I am always trying to recruit people (if they show any interest). It has been an experience we had to jump into without over thinking. I mean life is about experiences, right? If something doesn’t work, you can change it. I’m so glad we did it. We wouldn’t have the knowledge or be the people we are today if we hadn’t done it. Here is a recap of our experience so far:

The Good
Getting to know the children.
Helping them when they need it.
Teaching them how to make good choices.
Sharing “the first” moments…I got to see our foster son’s face on his first plane trip.
Connecting with others in the community.
Having fun doing family activities.
Taking pride in the children’s accomplishments.
Rocking sweet babies to sleep at night.
Gaining understanding about the diversity of people.

The Bad
Dealing with DFAC’s bureaucracy.
Trying to get in touch with social workers when they don’t call you back.
Staying up all night with a crying baby when you have no idea what comforts them.
A child saying they don’t have to follow your rules because you’re not their real parents.

The Ugly
Getting attached and then having to say goodbye.
Social workers not giving you a chance to say goodbye.
Never knowing what happens to the children when they leave you.

Why are you adopting and why Ethiopia??

We have gotten this question a lot and I am always excited to answer it. First of all, I’ve always wanted to adopt and when I was still a child myself I imagined adopting from China. Of course I had seen the specials on the news and wanted to take all those babies home with me. Then I became a teenager and didn’t want to have anything to do with children! When I met C., I told him my plans, knowing full well he wanted biological children. Luckily, he agreed that we should adopt one day. We started fostering because we wanted to provide a safe place for children going through a horrific time in their lives. It has satiated a need in us to help others; god knows it can be a thankless job. Anyway, last year when I had fallen in love with a foster daughter (she has since left) we decided that it was time for a baby. I didn’t get pregnant even though the doctors said everything was fine. This was annoying me and I was venting my frustrations when a friend I work with suggested international adoption (Thank you, Anne). This sparked something in me and I started researching. Once it seemed possible, we really only looked at two countries (Vietnam and Ethiopia). I wasn’t sure until I read a book called There’s No Me Without You, by Melissa Faye Green. It is a biography of sorts about a foster mother in Ethiopia. The history of this country, the need of its orphans, and the culture of the people really inspired me. It also made sense because of where we live. Our child will live in a predominately African American community and be able to connect with other Ethiopian people because of the large population in Atlanta. Ethiopia is also a place I would like to spend time in and now that it will be our child’s birth place we plan to support it anyway we can. After learning a great deal in the process of this adoption, I know we are not adopting to rescue a child from an impoverished country, even though it may look like that on the outside. We want a child that will stay and grow with us. I don’t think our child will be lucky that we are adopting her; she is losing everything to be part of our family. We are the lucky ones; we are gaining a daughter and a new culture.

The inspiration:
http://www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com/

Timeline

01/2007 Began requesting information from international adoption agencies
03/2007 Decided to adopt from Ethiopia
04/2007 Began home study
05/2007 Applied to Gladney
07/2007 Home study approved
08/29/2007 Fingerprints for CIS
09/13/2007 CIS Approval
10/3/2007 Dossier Complete and on its way to Washington, DC

The first post!

So here we are...I have been addicted to blogs since I started our adoption process, I just haven’t created one of our own. Now that we are officially waiting (we found out today!), I figured it was time. I want to keep track of things for our family, friends, and our future selves. I think our first posts will be what we have gone through so far to get here. It felt like it took forever to get all of our paperwork together!